Anticipating a Valley of a Sort

We know life will never be void of the ups and downs that everyone experiences. But what will set apart the stagnant, defeated life from the one that is enabled to continually grow, even in the wrestling presence of that back and forth struggle?

(Define terms first) Many people liken the “ups” to mountain tops and the “downs” to valleys. I remember the sheer relief that i felt after i walked out of a season of my life that i would define as “valley.” I remember sitting through sermons, talks, listening to other peoples’ experiences, reading articles and discussing topical issues relating to pain, disappointment, struggles of life and just feeling so GLAD that those experiences and emotions were things i was able to leave behind at that particular time of my life. Seriously, all was good in the hood. Not in the naive, ignorant bliss sort of way. But life felt like smooth sailing relative to what was. Out of the valley, ready to taste the next mountain top. Yet, there came that slight tug and pull, knowing the familiarity of that doggone “up and down” pattern brought the anticipation that- eventually, i’d move off the mountain top just as quickly as i got up there. When would the onslaught of the next valley come? Actually, it didn’t come for a while. A nice, long stretch of an apex view. But, it’s bound to happen cos that’s how we grow. Can’t stay on mountain tops forever. Remember, nothing grows on mountain tops. Rich growth happens in valleys. And that’s not just a trite spiritual metaphor but a literal fact as well. Biological life is booming in the valleys of the earth.

All this is to say that i can feel it… it’s right there.. time to get stretched again. Valley, how we have a hate / love i-can-appreciate-you relationship. And i don’t mean to write this to say that life is in the ka-putz right now. In a sense, things are never better in that I’m stoked for what’s ahead, the vision of what I’m called to do fuels great excitement and purpose and urgency in me!  But there are some personal things and ministry/work seasons to currently work through (more of the former, less of the latter) that if i don’t, would be a big impediment to the full potential of what can be.  And, let’s be honest, if i had it my way i wouldn’t deal with it at all. But since someone’s got to finish what he first started in me, i guess i should address what he’s put on the table.

Geez, i haven’t been this honest in a while. (and yet, still so vague, Steph). Well, it’s a start.

My comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

In the City of Angels

(this is written on the go so you’ll have to excuse its choppiness!)

I’m in LA right now. Thought i’d finally make my way down here. Good thing the flight was flippin’ cheap, the $89 kind of cheap. I haven’t been back in 8 years so I’m glad to be here. I’ve been taking a bunch of pictures but can’t upload any of them yet so you’ll have to make do with boring words.

Spent the first day on my own strolling down memory lane. I went back to my hometown and saw my old house. That’s as surreal as it gets, folks. The family that lives in it now still have the basketball hoop that belongs to my brother and I. Even looking at our old mailbox was weird. I was tempted to jump the wall into the backyard to take a gander . I decided against it, how creepy would that be?

I went back to Palmview Park and saw the baseball diamond where I played Little League for so many years. Everything looks mostly the same. Everything smells the same– I love nostalgic smells. Very specific and very good memories.

I went back to my old elementary school.. it used to be red. Now, it’s blue. I saw my 6th grade teacher. She didn’t recognize me but then again, i didn’t expect her to either. She was like, “Are you a Senior now??!” And i said, “Not quite. I finished high school already… and, college.” Hahahaa, she felt so bad but who can blame her? It was nice catching up.

I met up for dinner with some old friends from elementary school. That was especially nice.. i guess there’s a bit to catch up on after 12 years. It was kind of like being in a movie though. “Everyone since then is either dead, pregnant or married with kids,” they said. Sounds harsh and cliche but that was the update in a nutshell! Sobering to think about it. A guy i played with in Little League died in high school during a street racing accident. Some got into drugs, a few more serious than others. Some have kids already, either living with girlfriends or already divorced. One girl has since posed for Playboy. Life. Brings people places. But at the same time, some friends are doing great. A handful are happily married. Actually, two i know of are in seminary. Some went into the army or Marines. One’s a cop. Accountants, marketing, teaching, grad school. Life. Brings people places.

Sam flew in the next day and we went to Santa Monica beach (but not before pit-stopping for burgers at In ‘N Out!). I miss SoCal beaches. Nice, soft, warm sand. We walked the beach, the waterfront shops, and the pier is nice (a fun ferris wheel, rides, carnival games). Afterwards, we went to check out the hostel that we’re staying in in Hollywood. It’s a cheap but fun place with an easy community feel. People are from all over, lots from down under (NZ and Australia). London and the rest of Europe, Japan as well. We’re a few blocks away from Ron Hubbard Blvd (the founder of Scientology). There’s a huge Scientology Center and right next to it is a very nice looking “Church of Scientology Celebrity Center.” Is that whack or what? A church for celebrities…

In the evening, we went to one of the best places around LA: the Griffith Observatory. I love this place. I wish i had gone more as a kid. It’s incredible. Mountains and oceans and nature are glorious, it’s true. But city lights… they can be breathtaking as well. LA is MASSIVE. Literally, as far as the eye can see are city lights. Relative to the rest of greater Los Angeles, downtown LA looks tiny even though it’s pretty darn huge. 4 million population is a good chunk of people.

The next day, we went to Six Flags Magic Mountain. I miss that place! It was goooood times. Especially the fact that we scored $26 admission tickets even though it usually costs $60 at the door. Thrilling roller coasters in amazing sunny weather, it was grand. Okay, here’s the deal people. There’s lots you can do in terms of theme parks around LA but Magic Mountain is IT, hands down. Disneyland is for novelty’s sake. Universal Studios only draws in tourists cos they don’t know any better (that it sucks). Knotts Berry Farm is for the family. But for coasters, Six Flags Six Flags Six Flags. I don’t even have time to describe how crazy it is. Praise the living Lord for physics and engineering!

After 7 hours of coasters and fun in the sun, we headed back and Sam joined a bunch of people from our hostel to see a Comedy Night at some place around town while I passed cos i felt pretty wiped and sunstroked. So instead I opted for a low key evening sitting in a Starbucks doing some reading. Good thing i registered my Starbucks card cos i got a free Tall to Grande upgrade. Btw, i’m sad that Starbucks made the Original Pike Place Blend accessible everywhere. It’s supposed to be available at Pike Place in Seattle only! It’s called “original” for a reason! Well, i’m sure Starbucks will enjoy the profits of it this quarter.

This morning, we went to see the UCLA campus. Oh dear, it is a bee-u-tee-full campus indeed! The buildings are amazing- great architecture. It actually makes me want to be a student again. Okay, only slightly. Well, not really. Though Sam noted that it’d be great to do campus ministry down here. I’m sure it would. We went around to look for the Campus Crusade chapter down there but couldn’t find them. It would have been nice to say Hi. But even visiting the campus for a few hours totally felt like what a university campus is like.. students going to class, hanging out in between, lounging and sitting on the grass. There’s a massive event happening called “Festival of Books” and there are rows and rows of tents and chairs set up for it. Next to the student center was a demonstration to remember the Armenian Genocide of 1915.. a big crowd of people with placards and megaphones and speeches. And next to them? A booth set up with a petition for you to sign for energy conservation. Oh, university. It’s great!

After UCLA, we decided to beach it up again and headed to Venice this time. I rented a cruiser bike for $6 and rode along the beach. Very nice. Even though Venice Beach is so close to Santa Monica, they feel pretty different from each other. Venice Beach is full of hippies and Santa Monica is full of yuppies. It’s an experience either way.

After beaching, we hopped onto the Freeway, into the traffic and slowly made our way just past downtown towards Dodger Stadium. How can i come down to LA and not go for a Dodger game??! It beckons me! We scored SWEEEEET tickets (season pass holder seats on the field) for a SWEEEET deal (22bux). Dodgers beat the Diamondbacks 8-3. I wore my jersey proudly. It was enjoyable but I found that games in Seattle are much more interactive.. they get the crowd going a lot better.

Tomorrow, we meet up with Kevin x2 and leave LA back to Vancouver for a 3-day cruise. Sam found re-positioning fares so they’re a great deal: $140! The ship is returning from the Caribbean and dropping loads of people off in LA and we’re just grabbing their beds for a few days while it sails into Vancouver. Nice.

Some other thoughts before I jet. I like being here in LA. Sun. Palm trees. Mexican food and Mexican candy left right and center. People practically speak more Spanish than English, it’s great! El Pollo Loco, yum (churros are 2 for a stinkin’ dollar!) LA is huge but freeways help with that. I thought i was an aggresive driver, but relative to LA, it’s nothin’. Okay, this post is really choppy and on the go. I hope i’m getting a tan out of this trip. There’s so much to see, you can’t really exhaust it. Pictures will have to wait!

Finally, The “About Me” Page

I can’t write something here and let it definitively define me. That seems obvious but I realize that what I do choose to write or reveal here (and on my blog as a whole) is in a sense, the/a basis of what people have to work with. So i guess the following is just a very skeletal framework of where I’m coming from. But know that the things of life that fill in that framework will never be exhaustive– which can actually be an annoying and over-complicated thing at times. But I have no problem admitting that I’m still trying to figure some things out myself. Feel free to take it as it is I guess…

My name’s Steph and there’s always things on my mind: opinions that I’m forming, beliefs which are solidifying, issues that I’m questioning, experiences I am evaluating, doubts with which I am wrestling, frustrations that i tend to be suppressing, life moments that I’m enjoying. And in all these things, I find myself lacking in ability to articulate it all. And beyond that, I think I’m too afraid to do so anyway. But whatever will find itself on this blog, I suppose it’s another step towards unfolding another part.

I was born in 1984 and grew up in the Los Angeles area but moved to Vancouver around the time of high school. It was a trade-off between sun and rain, between surfing and snowboarding, between non-colored money and coloured money– note the added “u,” between the ignorant but sometimes funny stereotype of Canadians and the equally ignorant and pigeon-holed stereotype of Americans, between never going to the doctor or dentist and now going at the slightest inconvenience.

I graduated from the University of British Columbia in English and Sociology. For the most part, I enjoyed studying what I did and found the university experience invaluable. Since graduating I’ve moved to Calgary, Alberta to work with a Christian missions organization called Power to Change (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada) under the campus ministry division called Campus for Christ at the University of Calgary.

I call my blog “Canaan Bound” because life for me boils down to faith. Canaan Bound is a reference to the biblical story of Abraham (Genesis 12 and onward) who left everything he knew and set out for a place of incredible promise (Canaan). And although he did not know what it would look like or how the details would play out, he chose to trust and place his faith in a God who he knew was good. God honored Abraham’s obedience and as a result, Abraham has left a legacy of faith that has lasted generations upon generations, reaching even up to mine, extending even beyond mine. At the end of it all, I think I’d like to do something like that too.

Mmmm, oh yeah, and I love baseball and still unashamedly enjoy the novelty of boy bands from time to time.

and March is here.

I’d prefer not to have random bullet point posts but it’s probably the easiest way to catch up when i don’t blog for a month. So, to backtrack a part of the last 4 weeks or so..

I went to Scotland (Campus for Christ’s Spring Break missions). i should write more about it but i don’t think that’s going to happen at the moment. i sent off update emails and finished my newsletter but haven’t written much on the laissez-faire side of things to post here. if you want my newsletter just let me know.

Edinburgh

I finally went boarding. Alberta’s got the mountain-deal down pat. Kudos.

Baptisms! Paulman and Karina, congrats!

Throwback to those beloved SNES days.. Mindy O. came down to Calgary and brought my fave Nintendo product. Good times beating the Street Fighter II game again. =D

My sisters’ 17th birthdays! Weren’t you both only 5 just a few years ago?? Remember those Pocahontas PJ shorts way back when? hahahaa, your fave! Some summer pics, something to look foward to.

Haha, i’m a creeper!

I’m whipping through quite a bit of period pieces/ historical adaptations lately. some being.. Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette = horrible. Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth: The Golden Age = enjoyed it a lot. I’m also reading The Other Boleyn Girl right now. I’ve had hesitations that it might be too racy. So far, not terribly bad. But then again i’m only 1/7 of the way through its 730 pages.

And lastly, i’ve been able to have time to do some “inner-thinking” as i’d like to put it. it wasn’t all that fun, but still good. probably borderline necessary. yeah, pretty much.

Sledding for the First Time

I went sledding for the first time in my life this weekend. Besides the fact that my toes and fingers were freezing in the -25 weather, it was pretty darn fun. Someone had previously made a little jump on the hill so mini-adventures were had.

Calgary staff team + sleds and GT’s + snowboards + little jump + camera = hilarity!

Sweet GT

Tom and Mindy

Darren

After finishing in the afternoon we uploaded the videos and watched them. Much laughter. We decided we weren’t done yet. Back to the hill with a couple of snowboards in the evening. The little jump proved itself quite little. Pretty short lived but more videos came out of it anyway.

This video reminds me of Mario Kart. I look like a character from the SNES Mario Kart!

There’s tons of other videos, lots of crashing and burning and wipeouts (ahem, Darren mostly).

#4 on the 2007 Lyric List

#4

“I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down”
From the song, All We Are
On the album, Dreaming Out Loud

OneRepublic is a band with an interesting layered story. Who would have thought that MySpace could propel a band into charting #1 for weeks all across North America? Pretty impressive. Ryan Tedder’s been around the block in the music industry for a while so it’s good to see him come into his own. I was impressed with their singles before their album released so i was eagerly anticipating their November 20th release date. Boldly, OneRepublic promised on their MySpace blog:

“We can GUARANTEE you this album is not a “you’ll only like a few songs” kinda album. We’ve spent the last 3 years working on this thing to ensure tracks 1-12 are the single “best” songs we could squeeze onto a CD, and we are on a mission to make “albums” worth buying again….not just singles. ”

I can appreciate that. Well, first listen through, i wasn’t completely confident in their claim. Though, I am now. I think it took me a few listen throughs for various reasons. One is that if i arranged the track listing of the CD, i wouldn’t put the song “Say (All I Need)” as the first track. The first half of the song is pretty mellow and slow. Usually first tracks (especially on debut albums) have a strong hook to keep listeners interested. But the song has an incredible instrumental rise if you stick with it. Interestingly enough, “Say (All I Need)” is now one of my preferred songs on the album. See, just gotta give it a chance!

But anyway, the lyric up there is from my favorite track, “All We Are.” Here’s some FYI about me. For every thank-you card, birthday card, encouragement card, note, letter, etc that I write to others, I have a journal where I’ve kept a copy of what i’ve written to you for myself. So if you have.. say a birthday card from me, then that means i have a record of what i wrote you exactly. I’ve done this for many years now and it’s helped me in various ways.

I always want to mean what i say. Unfortunately, a lot of times i speak too soon with my tongue. But I tend to have more control over my written communication to others because of this idea of tracking what i write to others. I don’t want to write something to someone for the sake of doing so. So as I keep a record of what i’ve written to people, it’s a reminder to only write things i genuinely mean (that will hopefully endure time). Not to say relationships or situations won’t change etc, but i don’t want to look back to a birthday card from 2003 and think, “Shoot, did i really mean that?” And it also keeps me from being repetitive. Amongst other things.

I don’t like reading things that i feel are disingenuous. So i’ve learned to be more careful and selective in what i write. For example, i think a common and maybe even natural sign-off for most people is to write, “Love, place name here.” In cards, letters, emails, etc. But i never use “Love, Steph” unless i actually mean it. Now, what that “love-comma” entails is for another time, it may mean different things/degrees to different people. But this is just one example to throw out there. Some perspective on these words before i write them down.