1:30am
Laying in bed but wide awake.. staring at the ceiling, banal as can be.  I think about my bedroom and how tiny it is and there’s suddenly an urgent compulsion to be under the sky rather than under this roof. Not an uncommon occurrence. I get out of bed and throw a jacket over my sweatshirt, put on shoes at the door (still in my shorts) and take a stroll around my dead-silent block. It’s only -3 degrees so being out in shorts is borderline refreshing.

I walk around with quiet thoughts in my head but also a vague sense of covetousness in my heart that is perpetually ebbing. the only thing that is clear to me is that there’s a plethora of things i can’t actually identify, as if it were just out of reach. a little ironic. i think about how i need God. i ask him an honest question that i don’t often ask him aloud but have held onto in one form or another for the last 11 years. “why wouldn’t you answer me?” I then think of Job 38 and am graciously put in my place. another reminder for trust.  held by mercy to live another day.

surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life…