As i hear more about my peers and friends finishing school and starting their careers in various disciplines, sometimes i can’t believe how much money they make. And everything i pride myself in in terms of material modesty and eternal perspective becomes more challenged at every stage. Sometimes, it feels like a slap in the face. Pitiful mockery.

I know i’m being led, willingly, into full-time ministry and that’s what i want and what i choose. And yet to my surprise my flesh finds itself coveting, not necessarily a monetary sum, but a concept of earthly security and comfort to the point that it shakes me up and leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. In my gut. In my heart.

There are some things and “tangible freedoms” that i will probably never have while others around me (both those who adhere to faith and those who do not) will have indeed. I used to pride myself in not desiring such things at all but perhaps my naivety is catching up to me a bit. However, ultimately i can say that i am content to be where i am now and the direction i am headed toward. Even though some people i know would say otherwise.. would say i’m dumb to go this way. People who i was hoping would be more supportive. People who apparently are supposed to be more supportive.

Maybe all this is another typical experience in the midst of the emotional process of raising my financial support as part of my ministry.. but regardless, i hope that Proverbs 30 would be a practical prayer of mine through the various material ambitions and temptations of life.

Hold loosely, Steph. You own nothing. You steward everything.

Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

1 Timothy 6:6-10