In the words of Keith Urban…

Tonight, I wanna cry. Feels like – 40’s… ahhhhhhh!

Deux

#2
“The smallest dreams got pushed aside
for the largest ones that changed my life”

From the song, Rite of Spring
On the album, I-Empire

So it seems this whole lyric countdown is taking longer than expected. Life is busy, better late than never! I was pleased to buy this for $11.99 at Future Shop last year. I do like Angels & Airwaves’ first album better overall, but this one still gets decent rotation on my playlist.

When i think about this lyric, i can’t help but pit my itty bitty self-will with the greater dreams that God would have for my life. There is a pivotal and constant battle between my fears and doubts on one side and fully plunging myself into Hi(s)Story on the other side. “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life”– understanding this overshadows all of my expectations and short-lived disappointments.

I’ve only been angry with God one time in my life. Which i think is kind of ironic because there’s been other more serious crap junk in my past that would, by the human perspective more deservingly “warrant” my fist against God. (I don’t believe that though).

My third year of university was supposed to be spent studying at UCLA. When i graduated from high school into university, one of the reasons why i chose to go to UBC was because i knew they had an exchange program that partnered with UCLA. That was my goal. And honestly, at that time in my life, studying at UCLA even if only for a year was the only thing i ever truly wanted with 100% intention and ambition.

So in my second year at UBC, i filled out all the Exchange application forms, wrote a couple essays, got references here and there, researched my potential schools, met all the deadlines, paid the fees, earned all the necessary grades, danced in a few circles, and I was a go.

You’re supposed to apply with your top 3 choice schools. But I went into this only wanting one school. It was pretty much UCLA or BUST for me. While lots of people would opt to travel overseas to Europe, Asia, Australia, etc, i just wanted to head back to Southern California where i grew up. That was exotic enough for me. I wanted to go back, i wanted to see old friends, i wanted to experience everything i thought i was missing.

When i went in for the general orientation about the exchange program, they said that one of the hardest schools to get into were the University of California (UC) campuses. And out of the 12 UC schools all across the state, UCLA and UC Berkeley were the most competitive. “So don’t get your hopes up” was what they were saying.

But i did it. I got into the UBC Exchange Program, a few weeks later into the UC system, and then finally acceptance by my top choice. I still have the snail mail letter from UCLA.. its fancy letterhead paper officiating it all. I was looking forward to that year of Exchange probably more than anything in my life up to that point. I was prepping to go, looking into housing, making a budget, browsing potential classes, telling friends.

And then as life would have it, something came up. Things i couldn’t control prevented me from going. I hated it. I thought in endless circles about how i could get around the problem. I even entertained outrageous, stupid and selfish ideas to get me there. Yet in my heart of hearts, i knew i couldn’t leave Vancouver for that long at the time. But that didn’t stop me from being mad. Really mad. And at God. Yeah, i was being a whiny kid but it really did crush me to have to give this up. It’s hard to explain all the reasons why it meant so much to me. It was the biggest dream i could have dreamt at the time. UCLA was on my radar ever since i was in elementary school. But moving out of state kind of eliminated the $25,000/ year education option. But having this opportunity with Exchange, to get that for just 1 year at a $4,000 tuition price tag– what a friggin’ steal!

I eventually got over it. Learned how to surrender once again. Learned a new lesson about trusting God. In hindsight, it really was a small dream. Especially in comparison to my desires today, i kind of feel embarrassed about my devastated reaction. Yet at the same time, i know it was real. It was a big blow. But i’ve grown a lot since then, thus making it a much smaller issue when i think about it today.

For the most part, i’ve given up the constant wonder of “what could have been” that i held onto for so long. Not just in that one potentially great year, but i had held onto that question even years before the whole Exchange fiasco. What would my life have been like if i had stayed in LA? My friends would be different, my education would be different, my experience and all of the above, different. Maybe.

But i trust in God’s sovereignty over my life. I’m really glad for where i am today. Where God has led me, not just geographically but in how he is indeed shaping me for Hi(s)Story. Smaller dreams getting pushed aside. Larger ones are changing my life. And i’m grateful.

There is a greater narrative that exists outside of my own subjective experience and existence. I’m thankful that this is true because if it was not, i would be found lacking. I think we all would. The fact that my finite being is being reconciled into an infinite Story gives me immense assurance.

Calgary: So Temperamental

Sometimes i think Calgary has the weirdest weather patterns. Today was an amazingly mild 8 degrees. Tomorrow will have snow on the ground at -9 in the morning (with a “feels like” -17) and -12 in the evening (with a “feels like” -19). So weird. A few weeks into moving over to Calgary, it was a really hot 20 degrees in the afternoon but a few hours later in the evening it was blizzarding outside, literally slapping wind and snow everywhere. SO WEIRD.

How many times can i use “weird” in this post? Weird.

Number Three

#3

“From a friend to a stranger, how’s your life?”
From the song, Friend to a Stranger
On the album, Cigarettes and Gasoline

Relationships. It makes our world go ’round. Because it has to do with people. How central! I would say that in the last 2 or 3 years especially, i’ve learned and experienced a lot about the dynamics of relationships. I think i understand better and appreciate the change that happens in various relationships and friendships. I’m glad for where i am today. I’m more mature (but still a ways to go) and understand myself better.

It’s interesting. Some of the most dear people to my heart are people i don’t even talk to regularly anymore. For some, when we talk i don’t even know what to talk about. For others, we can pick up right where we left off. But I’ve learned that just because a particular relationship doesn’t fit into the stereotypical box we originally envisioned (or even had) doesn’t mean it has lost its value. Not at all. I’m not 100% sure what this line “from a friend to a stranger” entails, but sometimes i feel like relationships have come to that. But yet, at least from my perspective, it’s not a even harsh thing. It’s refreshing. I guess that’s hard to explain. But the genuine question, “How’s your life?” It speaks volumes. It speaks sincere love and concern. Heartfelt curiosity. To hear what’s going on in their life and naturally being ready to either or both celebrate and empathize. Not forced or contrived. But real. Not a cyclical wall of unfair expectations that you bitterly hit. But a clean palate to start again.

American Idol and Robbie Seay Band

Taking a break from my lyric list countdown to highlight another noteworthy album from 2007

Give Yourself Away | Robbie Seay Band

Robbie Seay Band is goooood stuff. Robbie’s voice = amazing. I’m pretty excited that American Idol has chosen to use their song, Rise, in their promo commercial for the Season 7 Season Premiere that is right around the corner! Get your hands on this album! Click on the link to their website where you can download a couple free songs and/or get their whole album off iTunes for $7.99!

#4 on the 2007 Lyric List

#4

“I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down”
From the song, All We Are
On the album, Dreaming Out Loud

OneRepublic is a band with an interesting layered story. Who would have thought that MySpace could propel a band into charting #1 for weeks all across North America? Pretty impressive. Ryan Tedder’s been around the block in the music industry for a while so it’s good to see him come into his own. I was impressed with their singles before their album released so i was eagerly anticipating their November 20th release date. Boldly, OneRepublic promised on their MySpace blog:

“We can GUARANTEE you this album is not a “you’ll only like a few songs” kinda album. We’ve spent the last 3 years working on this thing to ensure tracks 1-12 are the single “best” songs we could squeeze onto a CD, and we are on a mission to make “albums” worth buying again….not just singles. ”

I can appreciate that. Well, first listen through, i wasn’t completely confident in their claim. Though, I am now. I think it took me a few listen throughs for various reasons. One is that if i arranged the track listing of the CD, i wouldn’t put the song “Say (All I Need)” as the first track. The first half of the song is pretty mellow and slow. Usually first tracks (especially on debut albums) have a strong hook to keep listeners interested. But the song has an incredible instrumental rise if you stick with it. Interestingly enough, “Say (All I Need)” is now one of my preferred songs on the album. See, just gotta give it a chance!

But anyway, the lyric up there is from my favorite track, “All We Are.” Here’s some FYI about me. For every thank-you card, birthday card, encouragement card, note, letter, etc that I write to others, I have a journal where I’ve kept a copy of what i’ve written to you for myself. So if you have.. say a birthday card from me, then that means i have a record of what i wrote you exactly. I’ve done this for many years now and it’s helped me in various ways.

I always want to mean what i say. Unfortunately, a lot of times i speak too soon with my tongue. But I tend to have more control over my written communication to others because of this idea of tracking what i write to others. I don’t want to write something to someone for the sake of doing so. So as I keep a record of what i’ve written to people, it’s a reminder to only write things i genuinely mean (that will hopefully endure time). Not to say relationships or situations won’t change etc, but i don’t want to look back to a birthday card from 2003 and think, “Shoot, did i really mean that?” And it also keeps me from being repetitive. Amongst other things.

I don’t like reading things that i feel are disingenuous. So i’ve learned to be more careful and selective in what i write. For example, i think a common and maybe even natural sign-off for most people is to write, “Love, place name here.” In cards, letters, emails, etc. But i never use “Love, Steph” unless i actually mean it. Now, what that “love-comma” entails is for another time, it may mean different things/degrees to different people. But this is just one example to throw out there. Some perspective on these words before i write them down.

Welcome to Canaan Bound!

Hello!  Now that I’ve re-routed myself from my old blog (2003-2007) to WordPress, I’m going to kick off this new blog and this new year with a 5-part series on some music lyrics of 2007. One post will be written for each of the 5 lyrics. There are so many songs i can choose from; some which are favorites that i probably won’t even get around to highlighting. But i wanted to throw these ones out there and give some thoughts.

#5

“Hallelujah ripped through my veins”
From the song, Won’t Back Down
On the album, Nothing Left to Lose

I know Mat Kearney released this album in 2006 but i’m counting it in as #5 cos he re-released the album in 2007 to include his latest single, “Breathe in Breathe Out.” I have to say, I listened to this album a truckload this year. So impressed with his lyrical content. And i’m glad his music is getting out there. Having several of his tracks constantly played on Grey’s Anatomy and other prime-time shows have really expanded his listeners. Which is great because i love this album.

If you ask me, “Hallelujah ripped through my veins” is a state of being. I often think that the best way to communicate something is to explain it to death with descriptors and endless words. But there are some things (like experiencing God) that cannot be adequately illustrated with an explanation. Hallelujah means “praise the Lord.” This praise cannot be fully contained in words or songs or lyrics or even prayers. I believe this kind of praise penetrates my entire being… and even beyond. As if it flowed, even ripped, through my veins. I’m really blown away by this lyric. Good one, Mat. It reminds me a lot of that part in Romans 8:26, the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.